Exfauxe

Brown: West Like a 90 Year Old Painter

2009-02-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

British PM Brown, interviewed in Davos by Christine Amanpour, likened western finance to the artist Titian at age 90. Evidently the Brits have no idea what to do, but are ready to learn at death's door. Not exactly Churchillian! Hopefully the Wests' neck isn't ready to be wrung just yet despite Mr. Brown's dotage.

Michael Phelps Out of the 420 Closet

2009-02-01T16:44:00.000-08:00

Michael Phelps must have thought he was among friends at the Nov. 8 party he was photographed. With the results of the "straight" crowd in the halls of power maybe they should try a few stoners! After all, they'd have to be honest since they couldn't keep a straight face lying all the time! For my money, he's still a better role model than anyone in Washington or Wall Street.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do, Department

2009-01-30T22:26:00.000-08:00

Health Secretary designate Tom Daschle became the latest Obama appointment to divulge cheating on his taxes. The former senator from South Dakota failed to report over $100,000 in services from an important supporter. Formerly, Timothy Geithner, Treasury Secretary, only paid $34,000 in taxes when his "innocent" mistake came to light through his White House vetting process.

King Ignatieff: Coalition ..... NOT?

2009-01-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

The Conservative Harper government announced a$40 billion stimulus package in their budget of the 27th January. Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff, who had tentatively joined or not joined, a coalition with the socialist NDP and separatist Bloc Parties, appeared to support the budget as long as the Conservative Government report to parliament. PM Stephen Harper immediately agreed.

Beta Earth: The Planet Has a Bug and It Is Us

2009-01-26T22:25:00.000-08:00

Even with reductions in CO2 emissions to pre-industrial levels the earth would take 1,000 years to heal from the current level of 385 ppm, according to new research from US and European climatologists. Our choices are between bad and worse as the higher CO2 levels become, the less habitable arid or low lying areas will be.

Blackberry Jam

2009-01-26T22:02:00.001-08:00

Initial enthusiasm for Blackberry Storm, launched in response to Apple iPhone, has waned. Apparently the software used to perform the keyboard emulation and rotate screen view to correspond to viewer orientation is too slow to be practically effective. RIM claims the problems are temporary glitches and it is satisfied with sales of 500,000 units compared to iPhone sales of 2.4 million.

Hitler Youth Pope Re-Communicates Holocaust Denier

2009-01-25T19:50:00.000-08:00

Pope Ratzinger announced the rehabilitation of infamous holocaust denier Bishop Williamson just ahead of the International Holocaust Remembrance Day, January 27. What's next? The German soldier was never truly defeated in the field! It was a "dolchstoss" from the dirty Jews and homosexuals!

Merrill Exec's Squeezed $4 billion in Secret Bonuses Dec. 08

2009-01-25T11:13:00.000-08:00

John Thain, former Goldman Sachs exec and fired CEO of Merrill Lynch apparently authorized $4 billion in "secret bonuses" just before the merger with Bank of America. Merrill posted losses of over $40 billion for 2008 of which $15 billion came in the fourth quarter. Meanwhile, the federal bailout had to pour $45 billion into B of A to deal with the Merrill failure and merger. New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo has launched an investigation. No wonder he was ready to withdraw from the Paterson Senate Appointment circus!

Mr. Thain has taken the theory that: "No one has ever gone broke under-estimating the intelligence of the American public.", to a whole new level. He must have learned a thing or two from former Goldman head, Hank Paulson. Hopefully, Mr. Cuomo's investigation won't simply be restricted to the year-end bonus heist.

US Currency Policy

2009-01-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

US Treasury Secretary was talking out of both sides of his mouth claiming the US favors a strong dollar while accusing China of currency manipulation because the dollar is too strong.

Blagojevich Elects for Trial by Media

2009-01-24T18:40:00.000-08:00

Embattled Illinois Governor Blagojevich has blasted his arrest and impeachment hearing as unfair. He has elected to boycott his impending impeachment and scheduled multiple tv and radio talk shows to air his side.

NY Gov. Paterson Asked Cuomo not to Apply

2009-01-23T21:52:00.000-08:00

New York Governor Paterson announced the new senator for the post vacated by Secretary of state Hillary Clinton. His appointee, Kirsten Gillibrand, promised to cultivate support upstate complementing the Governor's traditional New York City support base. Mr. Paterson passed over the candidate who polled highest in recent opinion polls, Andrew Cuomo. The governor was quoted: "I didn't want to have another issue of filling a vacancy."

No Wonder Gubernatorial is such a Funny Word

2009-01-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

The circus mounted by New York Governor Paterson regarding the replacement senator for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is beginning to make some Empire Staters pine for their old governor, Elliot Spitzer. Apparently, after requesting hefty tomes of personal information from 15 different candidates, Governor Paterson admitted he hadn't read any of them! Would a Presidential pardon for Spitzer, who wasn't even charged with anything, allow New Yorkers to bring him back? No? Aw, darn!

Cheer Theory

2009-01-22T22:53:00.001-08:00

Caroline Kennedy Withdraws from Senate Chase

2009-01-21T23:47:00.000-08:00

Ms. Kennedy withdrew her name from contention for the senate seat vacated by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton citing concerns for the health of her uncle Senator Ted Kennedy. Afterward New York Governor Paterson was indicating she was his preferred candidate. Notwithstanding his protestations, he had several months' opportunity to select her, making him seem rather disingenuous now, to say the least.

Broken Heartland

2009-01-21T14:55:00.000-08:00

Heartland Payment Systems announced inauguration Tuesday that its system has been victimized by probably the biggest hack ever, potentially twice the size of the previous record held byTJX in 2007. Heartland processes about 100 million transactions a month and the breech went undetected for about 6 months from May through October. Authorities were alerted by a large number of nominal value (less than a dollar) duplicate transactions that the crooks process to verify that cards are still active. Heartland claims the hackers inserted code to copy information transmitted through its system including, card number, expiry and internal bank codes but not PIN numbers. The company said it would notify affected customers where required to by law.

Swearing in on the Lincoln Bible in the Bush Millstone

2009-01-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

The Dow Jones suffered its worst Inaugural Day in history, (over 120 years), as bank shares continue to slide. Some experts are saying $3.5 trillion may be needed compared to the $700 billion so far allocated. This says nothing of the 2 wars in progress, global warming-energy or health care. Good Luck!

WIn-Win War? Israel & Hamas Declare Victory

2009-01-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

Israel's "victory" in their Gaza strip operation "Cast Lead" cost them more casualties than they had sustained during the Hamas rocket attacks. While it is speculated that cockroaches are all that will survive a nuclear holocaust should Hamas survive they could be expected to declare "victory" then, too. Unfortunately, it seems eerily reminiscent of the Allied "Victory" of WWI, to be continued ...

Flight 1549 Black Boxes Sent to Washington

2009-01-19T22:56:00.000-08:00

The flight path depicted was mapped out at "i'm not sayin, i'm just sayin". The crash must have happened around the peak, or just prior, at 3200 ft around the Bronx Zoological Gardens, between 1 and 2 minutes into the flight. Maybe more airports should be designed to allow for aquatic emergency landings.

Regina Tanning Salon Fire: Naked Man "Barely" Escapes

2009-01-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

The Regina Leader Post quoted Jason Viles , a tanning salon customer: "I barely made it," about an hour after his escape from an enflamed tanning bed. He had to push a stereo out of the way to squeeze through a 12-inch gap at the head of the bed to get out. Viles grabbed his clothes and ran outside while alerting the salon attendant. He received some minor burns. "As far as my tanning career ... I don't think it's over," he said. Whew! The winter Olympics are only 12 months away!

Bad Seafood? or a Case of Political Malpractice?

2009-01-19T19:13:00.001-08:00

Apparently, a timely decision isn't as essential for New Yorkers as it is for Illini as the governor of the Empire state continues to demur in respect of his appointment of a senator to replace Hillary Clinton. NY Governor Paterson's latest ploy to avoid questioning was to cancel an interview with a cable tv program on the grounds he had an upset stomach from some bad seafood. Recently, the governor said his choice ideally would have economic experience and help diversify the senate noting women and Hispanics are under-represented. Despite the fact that Mayor Bloomberg's office called the appointment of anyone but Ms. K "political malpractice" she only satisfies one of those criteria. While her name has not been among the leaders, Nydia Velazquez, chair of the house small business committee does have those qualifications. I'm sure many paths will be crossing at the inauguration.

No Beary Ferry

2009-01-18T17:46:00.000-08:00

The Canadian Polar Bear summit rapped up in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Environmentalists claiming declining populations were at odds with Inuit residents who claimed increased bear human contact. Bears may be attracted to growing permanent human settlements for foraging during lengthening open summer arctic ice seasons. The two sides were unreconcilable "They are using the polar bear as a tool to fight climate change," said Harry Flaherty, chair of the Nunavut Wildlife Management Board. Conservation measures were deferred to future roundtable discussions.

American Apparel Pornographic in Canada

2009-01-17T23:15:00.000-08:00

American Apparel Store in West Vancouver B.C. was fined for inappropriate display of pornographic material. Copies of the Dutch gay lifestyle quarterly, "Butt" had been inserted into bags and backpacks in the store in violation of city codes requiring explicit material be displayed discretely. The L.A. HQ said the "accidental placement was fixed" but it was a matter of "free expression".

Dollar Dominoes

2009-01-17T18:50:00.000-08:00

Bank of America reported Q4 losses of $1.79 billion versus earnings expectations of 8 cents a share, not including Merrill Lynch's loss of $15.39 billion. Meanwhile Citibank reported disastrous losses of $8.3 billion and announced it was splitting into two parts to try and salvage their healthy banking and wealth management segments. Wells Fargo bank is now the only AAA rated US bank. Not everyone missed the boat, back in 2006 Golden West in California sold its problem to Wachovia just as California real estate was collapsing. Wachovia was hoping for earnings accretions from the merger of $239 million by 2009, .... Whoops!

Al Qaeda Claims Canadian Terrorist Behind US Air FLT 1549 Crash: Goose-sama bin Laden

2009-01-15T22:47:00.000-08:00

Yes, must be that new front on the war with the US, al Qaeda promised. Goose-sama bin Laden, super bird-brain terror of the skies! Thankfully, all 155 people on board escaped unharmed. The accident has been attributed to a flock of Canadian geese sucked into one or both of the engines.

Cheer Theory

2009-01-15T12:49:00.001-08:00

U.S. Foreclosures up 81% for 2008 3.2 million filings and retail sales less than forecast at -2.7% and -3.1% excluding the further -.7% for autos. Hopefully, the winter weather has been a damper and along with the humongous stimulus package we'll see a few more shoppers as spring arrives.

Senate of the Living Dead

2009-01-15T12:37:00.001-08:00

Senator Roland Burris, junior senator from Illinois was officially sworn in today. Mr. Burris is the appointee of impeached Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich.

Hamas Mobile Rocket Launcher

2009-01-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

From their bunker beneath a hospital Hamas leadership has purportedly signaled readiness to call a truce with Israel, including cessation of rocket attacks. The possibility of any permanent peace is remote as long as Palestinians are educated to believe their only just solution is the destruction of Israel. Until then the criminal abuse of the sick and children as battlefield armour seems likely to continue.

Pakistan Denies Evidence Raises Tensions

2009-01-14T11:53:00.000-08:00

According to PM Gilani, Pakistan did not receive evidence from the FBI or India on the November terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India, but "information only". The Pakistan military reportedly continued to move troops from Taliban areas to the Indian frontier.

Geithner for Treasury Catches a Snag

2009-01-13T21:23:00.000-08:00

Timothy Geithner, Obama nominee for Treasury Secretary omitted several thousand dollars from his taxes which were later discovered by an IRS audit. It seems he neglected to remit about $34,000 in the same class which applied to years not covered in the audit. He was also identified as employing an illegal house keeper whose visa had expired but who later obtained a
green card. His confirmation was adjourned till Friday.

Vancouver 2010 Olympic Village FINANCE-ALANCHE!

2009-01-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

It looks like the 2010 Olympic Village will need at least another half a billion dollars to see the project to completion. TheNew York hedge fund that originally underwrote the financing to the tune of 750,000,000 is likely unable and/or unwilling to complete the project. It has offered to put up the money if the city guarantees the loans. Lets hope the new mayor, (pictured in the green beanie), doesn't get sucked into a Fortress Group bail-out.

Citibank More Brinksmanship

2009-01-13T11:43:00.001-08:00

Good money after bad? So far Citibank has received $45 billion in government bailouts, more than most major countries are planning to stimulate their economies. The old bankers saying: "Your first loss is your best loss" ....

Who's Got the Biggest Package

2009-01-13T09:01:00.000-08:00

Developed nations in Western Europe and North America have been announcing stimulus packages for the global economic crisis since the end of 2008. The graph depicts the amount of stimulus per worker in the Labor Force (CIA Factbook). Germany has come out with two economic packages. These are in addition to the financial banking bailouts announced separately. The order would remain the same calculated by stimulus dollar per dollar of GDP.

Man Bails from Plane to Fake Death

2009-01-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

Marcus Schrenker, 38, whose business and marriage were finished allegedly put his small airplane on autopilot and parachuted to safety in Alabama where he was driven to a hotel by an obliging law officer. When Alabama authorities were alerted to the hoax and returned to the hotel witnesses advised he had gone commando into the woods next to the establishment. Please let him be apprehended before he can perform plastic surgery on himself.

Islam: The Religion that Shoots First then Cries Victim

2009-01-12T13:49:00.000-08:00

Pakistan PM Gilani seemed to try to justify the November terrorist attack by Israel's response to Hamas violence in January. "Where was the world then [referring to Gaza]? The world should think in a neutral manner. There is no need for them to make so much noise on one incident," he added. Apparently, Mr. Gilani sees himself as the judge of the world's neutrality. While "proportionality" can be debated, the specter of Islamist victory trumps criticism of those defending democracy.

Hard to Swim with a Weight of Gold

2009-01-12T12:27:00.000-08:00

Some days its tough being a pirate. The Sirius Star ransom, dropped by parachute, was reputed to be about $3,000,000. Pirates from capsized pirate motor boats have been reported drowned fleeing with their shares. One pirate's corpse washed up with $153,000 cash on his body, representing about 1/20 th share. Reports say about a half a dozen drowned while several were rescued after jettisoning their loot .

Piracy has been on the rise world wide according to this pirate map. French reporters from Djibouti raised some pirates on satellite phones who expained: "We prefer hijacking ships to being on land because that way we can feed ourselves," - Abdulahi Hasan Afdhub

The Good, The Bad and the Zombie

2009-01-11T17:19:00.000-08:00

The "junior senator from Illinois" doddered through an interview by fellow dinosaur, Bob Schieffer, on CBS. In response to the question: "How can you accept such an appointment from such a person and expect people to take you seriously or not question your character?" He responded: "Very easily and I hope that no one ever questions my character. As you know, Bob, and by the way even as you know the governor certainly has been impeached and the legislature took their constitutional duties and responsibilities but remember this and I'm not a person who does bad can also do good. And what Governor Blagojevich did was good for the people of Illinois, and good for the people of this country when he exercised his constitutional duties to appoint a person to the vacancy of President-elect Obama."

That may be true but as Damon Runyon said, "It ain't the way to bet."

Slice of Time from Bernie Madoff's "Madoff.Com"

2009-01-11T12:49:00.000-08:00

Bernard Madoff offered "time slicing" on his Web site, 'madoff.com'. The above copy is available unamended from the Wayback machine.

Funny Money: Obama Stimulus Plan $193,750 Per Job

2009-01-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

Lets see that's $775 billion divided by 4 million jobs, $193,750 per job. The $700 billion gone to banks was supposed to stave off unemployment as well, that would be another $175,000 per job. And, by finishing high school compared to dropping out, you get about $200,000 more, in a lifetime (US Census Bureau).

Illinois House not Unanimous Impeaching Blagojevich

2009-01-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

The Illinois House voted 114-1 to impeach Governor Rod Blogojevich, with Rep. Milt Patterson the sole vote against. The governor called the vote a foregone conclusion adding that the House wanted to impeach him for bringing in affordable pharmaceuticals, fighting breast cancer and assisting victims of organ failure.

524,000 Jobless, Obama to Make Sure They Have TV

2009-01-09T16:23:00.000-08:00

The US economy's scary decline continues with a loss of 524,000 jobs in December. Over 200,000 came in the teetering service sector including banks and insurance companies. Over 100,000 were laid off in both auto parts and construction. Timing couldn't be worse for the planned switch to digital TV format which would make old sets redundant Feb. 17,2009. President-elect Obama has proposed a delay which is amenable to US national networks.

Still Palin Around!

2009-01-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Sarah Palin went off on the main stream media in her recent interview, Jan. 5, which has garnered over 600,000 views on Youtube. She doesn't get why the "family values" ticket would have her family's values scrutinized. Apparently she has missed out on the grilling Caroline Kennedy has been through and laments that she was exploited by Tina Fey and Katie Couric.

Treasury: Flush the Money and Run!

2009-01-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

According to ABC news Harvard Law professor Elizabeth Warren, charged with overseeing disposition of the massive Troubled Asset Relief Program, has been stonewalled by banks receiving the money and there is no indication any relief has been going to victims of mortgage
foreclosures. Treasury Secretary Paulson retorted, "I'll be back at Goldman in two weeks. They'll tell me everything then!".

Senate Racist for not Seating Franken?

2009-01-08T21:30:00.000-08:00

Race Justice Bobby-Rush Limbaugh averred the voters of Minnesota were shortchanged when the Senate deferred seating Senator-elect Franken in the face of a long-shot legal challenge by predecessor Sen. Norm Coleman. Franken was quick to deny his comedic roots, and stood up for the institution that refused to seat him, "In fact, I went so far as to get circomic-cized when I decided to run. I am definitely a total Wet Sock in that department. And, I would be ashamed to stand for any institution that would seat me!".

Feinstein Says Give Zombie the Seat

2009-01-08T16:05:00.001-08:00

Chair of the US Oxymoron (Senate Intelligence) Committee, Senator Feinstein says the appointee of the criminally implicated governor of Illinois, Roland Burris, should be respected. Besides its good to have someone thinking he can score some brains there!

Cheer Theory

2009-01-08T13:24:00.001-08:00

Clap, clap, clapclapclap, Let's Go Shopping! Retail sales over Xmas were an unmitigated disaster. Macy's has announced 11 store closings and even Walmart, which should benefit from the down market, missed estimates with a 1.7% increase versus 2.8% forecast.

Pakistani Polka: Confirm; Fire; Re-deny

2009-01-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Pakistan National Security Adviser, former Ambassador to the US, General Mahmood Ali Durrani was fired by PM Galani for recognizing the veracity of US and Indian investigations showing involvement of Pakistani elements in the Mumbai terrorist attack of November 26, 2008. Subject to co-ordination with the appropriate departments the Government of Pakistan is reviewing the speed of light and Newton's third law of motion.

Pakistan Foreign Minister: Military Speaks for Pakistan

2009-01-07T16:33:00.000-08:00

Pakistan's Minister of Foreign Affairs spoke to reporters in Afghanistan on the position of his country between terrorism and traditional adversarial relationship to India. As reported in the Washington Post "Pakistan's political and military leadership is one," he said. "When the military leadership speaks, you can take it for granted they are speaking for the civilian leaders, and when the political leadership speaks, the military is behind it." He was responding to a direct question as to whether the government was in charge. I hope my government's not at one with the military!

Toshiba Promises Super Computer on TV

2009-01-07T15:53:00.001-08:00

Toshiba has announced a new television beta project using the Cell chip from IBM known as a supercomputer on a chip. The set is touted to be able to show 48 motion pictures on one screen as illustrated in the fauxto above. Multiple motion pictures is a requirement for high end computer games.

CES 2009: Killer App Teen Privacy

2009-01-07T09:29:00.001-08:00

Its hard to see the appeal when your 10 lb laptop crashes at the smell of a decent graphics package. Netbooks, offering 80% of the functionality of a laptop at a scaled down price, have been the hottest seller over the last, back-to-school quarter and are projected to dominate computer sales this year. Obviously, its targeting a scaled down demographic, as well. No more nasty parental oversight on that darn history tab!

Senate Denies Return of the Political Dead

2009-01-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

Mr. Burris, senator appointee of indicted Gov. Blagojevich, took time away from his massive crypt at Oak Woods Cemetery, Chicago to visit Washington this week. The Senate cited his incomplete paperwork in denying him a seat in the Upper House of Congress. It lacked the signature of the Illinois Secretary of State. Mr. Burris has admitted he is either: "crazy or divinely directed", he accepts the latter which would make Gov. B an instrument of the divine. Anybody in favor of the former evaluation?

Bidenation of Pakistan?

2009-01-06T18:40:00.000-08:00

Well, its no wackier than the Wall Street Journal! Indian sources claim the US investigators have confirmed 26/11 terrorist relations with elements of Pakistani state apparatus. Senator
Biden was a proponent of ethnic Iraq autonomous regions in 2006, and was added to the 2008 ticket for foreign policy experience.

Twit Spotting

2009-01-06T14:44:00.001-08:00

Twitter, the micro-blog service has been plagued by phishing and security lapses, Information Week reports on a gullibility experiment conducted by a Twitter user at the site TwitterAwesomeness.com.The site openly asks visitors for their Twitter passwords. "It's ok, 247 other people gave their passwords too!" the site explains. After all, why would they lie?

Panetta wants Commerce; CIA gets Panetta

2009-01-06T13:47:00.000-08:00

Diane Feinstein, head of the Senate Intelligence Committee said, "I was not informed". Panetta served with Secretary Gates on the Iraq Study Group. The appointment speaks to how ingrained the "harsh interrogation" policy is at the CIA.

Pilkington Barkley Round Off

2009-01-05T17:40:00.000-08:00

Karl Pilkington, Ricky Gervais crew member, and claimant to the title of World's Roundest Head is pictured above right, next to Charles Barkley another SouthPark real- life cut out character. While some may doubt, pixel by pixel comparison does seem to bear out the Pilkington/Gervais claim in this instance. Karl Pilkington, still World's Roundest Head!

Twitter Gets Attacked by Queer Hackers

2009-01-05T15:39:00.000-08:00

The Huffington Post reports that hackers accessed several celebrity accounts including Britney Spears, Barack Obama and Bill O'Reilly. Not only are they gay for "O'Riley" they're also queer on parts of the female anatomy!

Richardson To Soldier on as New Mexico Gov

2009-01-05T12:49:00.000-08:00

Governor Richardson addressed the media to explain his withdrawal from the Obama nomination as Commerce Secretary in the face of a "pay to play" investigation in his home State
of New Mexico. When asked if he would be able to serve effectively in New Mexico, the Governor demurred.

Madoff Fraud Prompts US Congress to Probe SEC Oversight

2009-01-05T11:02:00.000-08:00

In the wake of the Madoff multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme Congress is set to review the shocking lapses in SEC oversight, Reuters reports. Congress has called SEC inspector general H.
David Kotz to report. Unfortunately, Mr. Kotz has only been on the job since the fall of 2007. His predecessor, Walter Stachnik, (pictured in the Cartman beanie), held the post from its inception in 1989 until he resigned under a cloud.

Puck Not Stopping at MacWorld This Year

2009-01-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

"There's an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love. 'I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.' And we've always tried to do that at Apple. Since the very very beginning. And we always will." Steve Jobs MacWorld 07

Back during October’s earnings conference call Steve Jobs had the following to say:

“We don’t know how to make a $500 computer that’s not a piece of junk.”

Netbooks, low cost mini computers, are projected to be the one bright spot in 2009. Acer sold 9.67 million units during the third quarter, a whopping 78.8 percent growth rate over the same quarter in 2007. The vast majority of the growth in netbooks. Its also rumored to be the reason behind the Windows 7 rush at Microsoft. Vista is too bloated for the Intel Atom processor used in many of the netbooks and Microsoft wants to be on board before back-to-school 2009.

Sorcerer and Apprentice

2009-01-04T16:25:00.000-08:00

"We are close to achieving most of our objectives. We have a significant reduction in the overall level of violence," said Cheney, who was interviewed Sunday on CBS Face the nation.

Franken's Lead in Minn Senate Race under Dispute

2009-01-03T23:19:00.000-08:00

Republicans plan to challenge the manual count of 933 absentee ballots that went overwhelmingly to Democrat Franken since no one in Minnesota has more than 20 fingers and toes. "Obviously if you don't have enough fingers and toes it can't be a real manual count.", they contend. They propose holding the results in abeyance until a boy from India with over a thousand fingers and toes can be flown in to make the count officially manual.

Akaska School Course: The Birds and The Bees, Part I: Palination

2009-01-03T14:31:00.000-08:00

According to People.com, Alaska Governor Palin left a personal phone message with the magazine denying her daughter and daughter's boyfriend were high school dropouts. "You need to know that both Levi and Bristol are working their butts off to parent and going to school and working at the same time. They are certainly not high school dropouts." , she is reported to have said.

Yellowsn0w Pirates!

2009-01-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

No honor among thieves: 'Seems like “Jody Sanders” of the West Midlands, UK (who we [the dev-team] mentioned in our release post) is at it again and is stealing our work and passing it off as his own,' whines the Dev-Team. Apparently, Jody can get £19.99 (30-40 bucks) using the Dev-Team's, grey market code, (to say the least) that unlocks iPhones from their dedicated mobile carriers. The service is available free from the Dev-Team's site.

Kathy Griffin Opens up for Anderson Cooper

2009-01-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

What gets slapped out of your mouth on your job, Kathy? New Year's Eve she showed she can handle the big boys! Guess there's some things Star Jones doesn't stoop to! Video available on Youtube.

What Can You do for Your Kennedy?

2009-01-02T23:38:00.000-08:00

Democrats in Mayor Bloomberg's office are appalled at the prospect of a candidate other than Caroline Kennedy succeding to the senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton. They are equating it to a form of malpractice. Hopefully, the New York electorate won't get in the way of this "mission of mercy".

Time Warner Caves Viacom Wins

2009-01-02T22:43:00.000-08:00

As usual, content brings home the bacon over delivery. Time Warner will continue to carry Viacom's MTV Networks including SpongeBob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer. Time Warner must have been plenty worried about giving its customers an incentive to download the shows from the Web. A process which promises to erode subscription revenue in television just as album sales have suffered in the music biz.

Beyond Palindrome: Tripp Johnston Joins the Party

2009-01-02T15:47:00.000-08:00

Planet Palin welcomed Tripp E Johnston last Tuesday. Son of Bristol Palin and fiance Levi Johnston. Something tells me he's looking at a "long strange one", "trip" that is.

Wall Street Journal Now Publishing CrackPots

2009-01-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

The Wall Street Journal has published the theory of a Russian academic that the US will be breaking up in about a year's time, with mid-western states falling under Canadian influence. Sources close to Canada's governing Conservative Party said, "We knew Wall Street was in the crapper but we didn't think the Journal had gone too! They don't want us to take Buffalo as well, do they? That would really be going too far! As long as they haven't started printing Alan Dershowitz articles, then we'll know they've completely lost it!". Mr. Dershowitz's latest article can be found here.

Blag Heat: The White Heat Redux

2009-01-01T21:20:00.001-08:00

Next for 2009, with Rod Blagojevich reprising in real life the role played by the immortal James Cagney! The ultimate reality show coming to a courtroom in the Land of Lincoln, no longer merely to annoy, its Governor of Illinois!

Cheer Theory

2009-01-01T19:21:00.001-08:00

Looks like we're going to need all the shoppers we can get. Happy 2009!

LA Times Kicks Off 2009 with California Whine

2009-01-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

Whats that you say? Too much plastic in Sante Fe? Well, they should know in LA! Seems they're OVER the beach, too and Seattle?, do that in an hour! The "dirty dishes" for the least favored 'dissed-inations' are piled here. If LA Times readers have to visit Canada we recommend this destination: The Embassy of the United States of America, 490 Sussex Drive, Ottawa, Ontario K1N 1G8 Canada. There's a McDonalds around the corner.

Internet Ad Spending Forecast to Grow for 2009

2009-01-01T12:38:00.000-08:00

Adweek, reporting on forecast advertising spending from Magna, GroupM and Zenith Optimedia, says internet advertising will increase as much as 18% or 12.1% of total advertising budgeted for 2009. Corporations are attracted by accountability as well as innovation in on-line ads. Total spending is forecast to decline in 2009 with newspapers and magazines leading the slide. Modest increases in TV and outdoor billboard advertising are expected.

Total Music Sales Rise 10.5% in 2008

2008-12-31T20:32:00.000-08:00

Overall music sales rose over 10% in 2008 despite the grim business and economic backdrop, Reuters reported. Digital track sales rose 27% and digital album sales rose 32%. The industry blames peer to peer file sharing and audience distraction from video games for ailing revenues.

Blowin in the Wind

2008-12-31T10:22:00.000-08:00

The Wall Street Journal reports that Pakistan has proof of the identity and guilt of the planners of the Mumbai massacre. If Pakistan can't or won't prosecute the criminals that perpetrated the Mumbai attack who they have in custody, would they or could they have delivered the 9/11 terrorists?

Iran Busts Blogger - R.I.P. HODER

2008-12-31T08:54:00.000-08:00

Iranian Canadian blogger, Hossein Derakshan (Hoder), has been detained in custody in Iran since November on charges of spying for Israel. Hoder became a Canadian citizen around 2000. He has also studied in England and visited Israel, which is illegal in Iran, before returning to his land of nativity.

The prognosis is not good. The penalty for this crime is death. An Iranian Canadian journalist, Zahra Kazemi, was murdered in custody in 2003 after taking photos of Evin prison. The Canadian embassy has not been permitted consular access to Hoder.

Counsel for Alleged HIV Assailant May Pull Kervorkian Defense

2008-12-31T02:29:00.000-08:00

"Would you have sex with this man and want to live?" asked counsel. St Catherine's Ontario Police spokesperson Constable Jacquie Forgeron, said they had to wait till the complainant came forward before taking William Andre Boisvert 'the poisvert' (hey I've been there and they talk like that, really!) into custody for HIV assault. Boisvert is alleged to have had unprotected consentual sex with a woman who was unaware of his medical condition. Apparently the police photographer did not want to take the same risk and placed a condom over the camera lens (hey I've been there and they think like that, really!).

Forgeron said police are not expecting, please if there is a merciful lord in heaven, that there will be further complainants. Anyone with information about this matter is urged to contact the police at 905-688-4111, ext. 5100. Mr. Boisvert is being held pending a bail hearing Jan. 5, 2009.

Business of Terror

2008-12-30T12:35:00.000-08:00

How much does the terrorist war effort cost? A mullah in Afghanistan said, "they told me that a suicide vest costs [£1,200] and we have to pay." as recently reported in the Guardian. This is similar to the price quoted (Iraq kit $2495 after discount!) on a Nevada website. By comparison, der Spiegel quoted a cost of about €500, (about $700US) for a Qassam rocket last January, (raw materials purportedly sourced in Israel).

Blagojevich to Appoint Zombie to Senate

2008-12-30T12:23:00.000-08:00

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will resurrect former state Attorney General Roland Burris to fill President-elect Barack Obama’s vacant U.S. Senate seat, Bloomberg news reports. Coincidentally, Mr. Burris will have to resign his position on the board of Inland Real Estate Corporation where he oversees the nominating committee. Patty Blagojevich has been pursuing a career in real estate over the course of the past several years.

World's Most Failed President Resigns

2008-12-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

President Yusuf resigned his position at the head of the number one nation on the Foreign Policy failed states index, Somalia. He blamed the international community for failing to support the interim government in the Horn of Africa nation. "Most of the country was not in our hands and we had nothing to give our soldiers. The international community has also failed to help us," Yusuf told legislators.

Soldiers from neighboring Ethiopia have been propping up the government for the past two years, but there only some 3,000 soldiers left and Addis Ababa says they will leave soon.
Nothing suits him like the leaving of it.

Lactivists Protest Archaic Facebook Morality

2008-12-28T12:51:00.000-08:00

Online, the virtual "nurse-in" to protest Facebook's ban on breast-feeding photos has taken off, with hundreds hourly joining a group that crept toward 70,000 members Saturday evening. -- Mercury News. Facebook explanations have cited prohibitions of nudity violated by exposure of women's breasts. No similar prohibition of images of male lactation has been announced.

Ola Chola! Crack Ho Wins Mexican Beauty Pageant

2008-12-27T12:55:00.000-08:00

Busted recently while pimpin' with the Juarez Cartel (mug shot inset), Miss Sinaloa, Laura Zuniga, said "We were just going shopping in Bolivia!", uh-huh, Nose Candy shopping!
After all a girl has to keep up her stamina if she wants to get her saddle bags under control. "Everybody does it!", she says, "Its like steroids for beauty!".

For her talent portion, the purported pre-school teacher sucked a golf ball through a garden hose.
Mexican congress is calling for investigations into cartel involvement in the beauty contests. Duh!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Everthing Must Go! or its Back to The North Pole!

2008-12-26T21:52:00.000-08:00

After one of the worst retail seasons in 50 years, retailers have been maxing out the discounts according to the NY Times. They say there going to be "retraining" consumers (Hey, that's us!), to pay full price when spring collections arrive in February and March. So, watch out!

LipoDiesel

2008-12-26T12:52:00.000-08:00

An investigation by the California department of health revealed, Craig Allan Bittner MD, created "lipodiesel" from his patients' fat and used it to power his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator, Forbes.com reported this week.

"The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel — and I have more fat than I can use," Bittner wrote on his now defunct Web site. "Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly but they get to take part in saving the Earth."

Separation of Powers

2008-12-26T11:57:00.001-08:00

According to the Times forces previously committed to action against the Taliban are being transfered to the Indian frontier. Contrary to promises to the US, a primary arms supplier.

Opposing Ill Tempered Expansionist Power

2008-12-26T04:38:00.000-08:00

According to the Times Online, in his Christmas message, Mr Ahmadinejad made a thinly veiled attack on the United States by claiming that Christ would have been against “bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers”.

Aggression from the West

2008-12-24T22:55:00.000-08:00

According to the Times of India, the Taliban is lining up with the Pakistan Army. Both "Non-State Actors" in Swat (Mullah Fazlullah), and FATA (Baitullah Mehsud) have offered to "help" the army against the "threat from India" which was provoked by related terrorist groups.
Meanwhile Pakistan President Zardari continued defiantly warning India that Pakistan's military power should not be underestimated and that it is capable of "thwarting any aggression from the east".

Merry Christmas from The Hitler Youth Pope

2008-12-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

Needless to say he's not targeting the liberal democratic congregations. First, the queers. Two
the Jews, then World War III!!! The Hitler youth NEVER SURRENDER! Easy as 1,2,3.

Piven: Too Much Fish, Mamet: Too Much Fish Story

2008-12-24T00:51:00.001-08:00

Jeremy Piven, set the public buzzing last week when his doctor cited "profound elevated mercury level" as the cause for the actor's abrupt departure from David Mamet's Broadway revival of "Speed the Plow". This was more than the writer could swallow as he was quoted in Variety saying "my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer".

On the Whole Pakistan would Rather be at War with India

2008-12-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

The Taliban has checkpoints in and charges transit fees through red areas of NWFP and FATA.
This means transport companies pay the Taliban a portion of the fees they get to transport NATO supplies. Wish it were funny, .... but just sad.

Christmas Blahs

2008-12-23T09:05:00.000-08:00

Yikes! Real estate continues to plummet with
further declines forecast for 2009. Fortune mag
says 8 out of the 10 worst will be in California. And when California gets depressed the rest of the world gets, .... sarcastic? Well, we do have snow up to the armpits!

Zardari Places India Attack Plotters under Islamic Arrest

2008-12-22T17:24:00.000-08:00

President Zardari of Pakistan, responding to Indian and US pressure has placed all suspects India alleges plotted the Mumbai terror attacks under Islamic arrest. "None of the suspects will be allowed to leave Islam until their innocence from the baseless Indian accusations is determined once and for all!". Zardari had previously indicated that any terrorists were "non-state" actors. Prompting the admonishment that: "Non-state actors sometimes act in the confines of the state and there has to be strong action against them... it's a matter of responsibility." from US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice.

President Robert Mugabe announces Zimbabwean Navy

2008-12-21T09:25:00.000-08:00

President Robert Mugabe has said that "Zimbabwe is mine" ! I am Zimbabwean, Zimbabwe for Zimbabweans!" ... " We're number one! We will never be content with number 3 FSI! ... Those Somalians have it EASY! They can be pirates because THEY have a COASTLINE! "
Zim cannot be pirates because we are
landlocked. And whose fault is that?"

When contacted as to whether the British government admitted having a role in depriving Mr Mugabe of the opportunity to pursue
piracy they said, "So?".

Headless Coalition Stalks the Great White North

2008-12-20T13:55:00.000-08:00

Recently anointed Liberal leader, Michael Ignatieff, seemed less than eager to doff the mantel of head of the anybody but Harper coalition. "Coalition if necessary, but not necessarily coalition" he said, paraphrasing the famous weasel words of William Lyon Mackenzie King. Nicely done, I say, originality if necessary, but not necessarily originality, truth if necessary, but not necessarily true, try it, its fun!!! The direct descendant of Russian royalty announced he would await the budget of the peasant, Harper, before letting his future subjects know his pleasure.

The Conservative Party, with 143 seats, is 12 short of a majority needed to control parliament for a 5 year term and, after proposing to restrict politicians' government funds, was confronted by a contractul coalition of the other three parties in the house. Whereupon, Prime Minister Harper requested that parliament be pro-rogued, (adjourned) until the budget on Jan. 26, 2009.

(Torso image link)

In The City That Works in The State That Doesn't

2008-12-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

“I will fight, I will fight, I will fight until I take my last breath. I have not done anything wrong.”
And I suppose it won't affect his ability to discharges his duties.

Paulson Says Any Automaker Reorganization Should Be ‘Orderly’

2008-12-19T11:03:00.001-08:00

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said the government should do what it can to keep U.S. automakers from failing and make sure that any reorganization under bankruptcy laws is as orderly as possible. -- Bloomberg news ""Yeah, like the Citibank bailout, now that was orderly!", the secretary continued, "I told them never to darken my door again! Do you know how
many zeros that check had? It was "like this", I mean, we had to print it landscape! No man has ever signed a check that big before!!! Virgin territory! I got wood signin' that one!!! Hoooeee!!!"

Obama defends inaugural invitation to Warren

2008-12-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

It turns out the Obama girls were huge fans of Oliver, the Manpanzee, and according to the president-elect: "daddy had to promise he could come to the inauguration if he got elected. Unfortunately, Oliver passed away a little over a year ago and, well, Rick was available (seen above in his pre-goatee days). We have agreed to disagree on the whole Scopes business but you can see how he'd be sensitive. I thought everybody could get behind a Manpanzee in this day and age!"

Clinton Library Sucks Millions Out of South Asia

2008-12-18T18:02:00.000-08:00

Amar Singh, (photo top left) listed as giving between $1 million and $5 million (New York Times). Clinton's foundation also received over $25 million from a childrens' charity focusing on India and Sub-Saharan Africa.

Auto Companies Close 59 Plants

2008-12-18T07:49:00.000-08:00

“You need to have a hoard of cash built up from the good times to get you through the bad times,” said Dennis Virag, president of Automotive Consulting Group in Ann Arbor, Michigan. “The bad times are here, the bad sales are here and GM and Chrysler just don’t have the cash.”
Isn't that what they were supposed to be getting paid for when they received the huge bonuses?

And now its "United we stand, divided YOU fail!".

Maybe "too big to fail" is just TOO BIG.

People Sexiest Man v FHM Sexiest Woman (2008)

2008-12-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

1,060,000 google hits over the past year for "hugh jackman" ; 536,000 hits over the past year for "Megan Fox" (excluding the Fox network). Jackman search turns up 670,000 omg's compared to only 63,600 for Ms. Fox, of those 1,810 over the past 24 hours while Mr Jackman generated 5,410 over the past 24 hours. Whereas Hugh Jackman's daily results include about 1,200 wtf's, about half or 900 of Ms Fox's results are wtf's and excluding GQ references only reduces hits by another hundred. Could it be the quote: "My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts." from her GQ spread?

Google top stories WTF Index: Raw WTF = 392,000 Hits

2008-12-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

Top Story Headlines:

Treasurys spike after Fed repeats call to buy bonds

Police Expected to Close Adam Walsh Case

Blagojevich Impeachment Inquiry Stalls

Oh! Oh!, 20 Years of Colder Weather Coming?

2008-12-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

Pacific Decadal Oscillation