Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Total Music Sales Rise 10.5% in 2008


Overall music sales rose over 10% in 2008 despite the grim business and economic backdrop, Reuters reported. Digital track sales rose 27% and digital album sales rose 32%. The industry blames peer to peer file sharing and audience distraction from video games for ailing revenues.

Blowin in the Wind

The Wall Street Journal reports that Pakistan has proof of the identity and guilt of the planners of the Mumbai massacre. If Pakistan can't or won't prosecute the criminals that perpetrated the Mumbai attack who they have in custody, would they or could they have delivered the 9/11 terrorists?

Iran Busts Blogger - R.I.P. HODER


Iranian Canadian blogger, Hossein Derakshan (Hoder), has been detained in custody in Iran since November on charges of spying for Israel. Hoder became a Canadian citizen around 2000. He has also studied in England and visited Israel, which is illegal in Iran, before returning to his land of nativity.

The prognosis is not good. The penalty for this crime is death. An Iranian Canadian journalist, Zahra Kazemi, was murdered in custody in 2003 after taking photos of Evin prison. The Canadian embassy has not been permitted consular access to Hoder.

Counsel for Alleged HIV Assailant May Pull Kervorkian Defense


"Would you have sex with this man and want to live?" asked counsel. St Catherine's Ontario Police spokesperson Constable Jacquie Forgeron, said they had to wait till the complainant came forward before taking William Andre Boisvert 'the poisvert' (hey I've been there and they talk like that, really!) into custody for HIV assault. Boisvert is alleged to have had unprotected consentual sex with a woman who was unaware of his medical condition. Apparently the police photographer did not want to take the same risk and placed a condom over the camera lens (hey I've been there and they think like that, really!).

Forgeron said police are not expecting, please if there is a merciful lord in heaven, that there will be further complainants. Anyone with information about this matter is urged to contact the police at 905-688-4111, ext. 5100. Mr. Boisvert is being held pending a bail hearing Jan. 5, 2009.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Business of Terror

How much does the terrorist war effort cost? A mullah in Afghanistan said, "they told me that a suicide vest costs [£1,200] and we have to pay." as recently reported in the Guardian. This is similar to the price quoted (Iraq kit $2495 after discount!) on a Nevada website. By comparison, der Spiegel quoted a cost of about €500, (about $700US) for a Qassam rocket last January, (raw materials purportedly sourced in Israel).

Blagojevich to Appoint Zombie to Senate

















Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will resurrect former state Attorney General Roland Burris to fill President-elect Barack Obama’s vacant U.S. Senate seat, Bloomberg news reports. Coincidentally, Mr. Burris will have to resign his position on the board of Inland Real Estate Corporation where he oversees the nominating committee. Patty Blagojevich has been pursuing a career in real estate over the course of the past several years.

Monday, December 29, 2008

World's Most Failed President Resigns

President Yusuf resigned his position at the head of the number one nation on the Foreign Policy failed states index, Somalia. He blamed the international community for failing to support the interim government in the Horn of Africa nation. "Most of the country was not in our hands and we had nothing to give our soldiers. The international community has also failed to help us," Yusuf told legislators.

Soldiers from neighboring Ethiopia have been propping up the government for the past two years, but there only some 3,000 soldiers left and Addis Ababa says they will leave soon.
Nothing suits him like the leaving of it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Lactivists Protest Archaic Facebook Morality


Online, the virtual "nurse-in" to protest Facebook's ban on breast-feeding photos has taken off, with hundreds hourly joining a group that crept toward 70,000 members Saturday evening. -- Mercury News. Facebook explanations have cited prohibitions of nudity violated by exposure of women's breasts. No similar prohibition of images of male lactation has been announced.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ola Chola! Crack Ho Wins Mexican Beauty Pageant

Busted recently while pimpin' with the Juarez Cartel (mug shot inset), Miss Sinaloa, Laura Zuniga, said "We were just going shopping in Bolivia!", uh-huh, Nose Candy shopping!
After all a girl has to keep up her stamina if she wants to get her saddle bags under control. "Everybody does it!", she says, "Its like steroids for beauty!".

For her talent portion, the purported pre-school teacher sucked a golf ball through a garden hose.
Mexican congress is calling for investigations into cartel involvement in the beauty contests. Duh!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Ho! Ho! Ho! Everthing Must Go! or its Back to The North Pole!


After one of the worst retail seasons in 50 years, retailers have been maxing out the discounts according to the NY Times. They say there going to be "retraining" consumers (Hey, that's us!), to pay full price when spring collections arrive in February and March. So, watch out!

LipoDiesel
















An investigation by the California department of health revealed, Craig Allan Bittner MD,
created "lipodiesel" from his patients' fat and used it to power his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator, Forbes.com reported this week.

"The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel — and I have more fat than I can use," Bittner wrote on his now defunct Web site. "Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly but they get to take part in saving the Earth."

Separation of Powers


According to the Times forces previously committed to action against the Taliban are being transfered to the Indian frontier. Contrary to promises to the US, a primary arms supplier.

Opposing Ill Tempered Expansionist Power

According to the Times Online, in his Christmas message, Mr Ahmadinejad made a thinly veiled attack on the United States by claiming that Christ would have been against “bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers”.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Aggression from the West

According to the Times of India, the Taliban is lining up with the Pakistan Army. Both "Non-State Actors" in Swat (Mullah Fazlullah), and FATA (Baitullah Mehsud) have offered to "help" the army against the "threat from India" which was provoked by related terrorist groups.
Meanwhile Pakistan President Zardari continued defiantly warning India that Pakistan's military power should not be underestimated and that it is capable of "thwarting any aggression from the east".

Merry Christmas from The Hitler Youth Pope


Needless to say he's not targeting the liberal democratic congregations. First, the queers. Two
the Jews, then World War III!!! The Hitler youth NEVER SURRENDER! Easy as 1,2,3.

Piven: Too Much Fish, Mamet: Too Much Fish Story

Jeremy Piven, set the public buzzing last week when his doctor cited "profound elevated mercury level" as the cause for the actor's abrupt departure from David Mamet's Broadway revival of "Speed the Plow". This was more than the writer could swallow as he was quoted in Variety saying "my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer".

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

On the Whole Pakistan would Rather be at War with India

video
The Taliban has checkpoints in and charges transit fees through red areas of NWFP and FATA.
This means transport companies pay the Taliban a portion of the fees they get to transport NATO supplies. Wish it were funny, .... but just sad.

Christmas Blahs

Yikes! Real estate continues to plummet with
further declines forecast for 2009. Fortune mag
says 8 out of the 10 worst will be in California. And when California gets depressed the rest of the world gets, .... sarcastic? Well, we do have snow up to the armpits!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Zardari Places India Attack Plotters under Islamic Arrest

President Zardari of Pakistan, responding to Indian and US pressure has placed all suspects India alleges plotted the Mumbai terror attacks under Islamic arrest. "None of the suspects will be allowed to leave Islam until their innocence from the baseless Indian accusations is determined once and for all!". Zardari had previously indicated that any terrorists were "non-state" actors. Prompting the admonishment that: "Non-state actors sometimes act in the confines of the state and there has to be strong action against them... it's a matter of responsibility." from US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

President Robert Mugabe announces Zimbabwean Navy





President Robert Mugabe has said that "Zimbabwe is mine" ! I am Zimbabwean, Zimbabwe for Zimbabweans!" ... " We're number one! We will never be content with number 3 FSI! ... Those Somalians have it EASY! They can be pirates because THEY have a COASTLINE! "
Zim cannot be pirates because we are
landlocked. And whose fault is that?"





When contacted as to whether the British government admitted having a role in depriving Mr Mugabe of the opportunity to pursue
piracy they said, "So?".

Remove Formatting from selection


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Headless Coalition Stalks the Great White North


Recently anointed Liberal leader, Michael Ignatieff, seemed less than eager to doff the mantel of head of the anybody but Harper coalition. "Coalition if necessary, but not necessarily coalition" he said, paraphrasing the famous weasel words of William Lyon Mackenzie King. Nicely done, I say, originality if necessary, but not necessarily originality, truth if necessary, but not necessarily true, try it, its fun!!! The direct descendant of Russian royalty announced he would await the budget of the peasant, Harper, before letting his future subjects know his pleasure.

The Conservative Party, with 143 seats, is 12 short of a majority needed to control parliament for a 5 year term and, after proposing to restrict politicians' government funds, was confronted by a contractul coalition of the other three parties in the house. Whereupon, Prime Minister Harper requested that parliament be pro-rogued, (adjourned) until the budget on Jan. 26, 2009.

(Torso image link)

Friday, December 19, 2008

In The City That Works in The State That Doesn't


“I will fight, I will fight, I will fight until I take my last breath. I have not done anything wrong.”
And I suppose it won't affect his ability to discharges his duties.

Paulson Says Any Automaker Reorganization Should Be ‘Orderly’



Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson said the government should do what it can to keep U.S. automakers from failing and make sure that any reorganization under bankruptcy laws is as orderly as possible. -- Bloomberg news ""Yeah, like the Citibank bailout, now that was orderly!", the secretary continued, "I told them never to darken my door again! Do you know how
many zeros that check had? It was "like this", I mean, we had to print it landscape! No man has ever signed a check that big before!!! Virgin territory! I got wood signin' that one!!! Hoooeee!!!"

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Obama defends inaugural invitation to Warren


It turns out the Obama girls were huge fans of Oliver, the Manpanzee, and according to the president-elect: "daddy had to promise he could come to the inauguration if he got elected. Unfortunately, Oliver passed away a little over a year ago and, well, Rick was available (seen above in his pre-goatee days). We have agreed to disagree on the whole Scopes business but you can see how he'd be sensitive. I thought everybody could get behind a Manpanzee in this day and age!"

Clinton Library Sucks Millions Out of South Asia


Amar Singh, (photo top left) listed as giving between $1 million and $5 million (New York Times). Clinton's foundation also received over $25 million from a childrens' charity focusing on India and Sub-Saharan Africa.

Auto Companies Close 59 Plants

“You need to have a hoard of cash built up from the good times to get you through the bad times,” said Dennis Virag, president of Automotive Consulting Group in Ann Arbor, Michigan. “The bad times are here, the bad sales are here and GM and Chrysler just don’t have the cash.”
Isn't that what they were supposed to be getting paid for when they received the huge bonuses?

And now its "United we stand, divided YOU fail!".

Maybe "too big to fail" is just TOO BIG.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

People Sexiest Man v FHM Sexiest Woman (2008)

1,060,000 google hits over the past year for "hugh jackman" ; 536,000 hits over the past year for "Megan Fox" (excluding the Fox network). Jackman search turns up 670,000 omg's compared to only 63,600 for Ms. Fox, of those 1,810 over the past 24 hours while Mr Jackman generated 5,410 over the past 24 hours. Whereas Hugh Jackman's daily results include about 1,200 wtf's, about half or 900 of Ms Fox's results are wtf's and excluding GQ references only reduces hits by another hundred. Could it be the quote: "My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts." from her GQ spread?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Google top stories WTF Index: Raw WTF = 392,000 Hits



Top Story Headlines:

Treasurys spike after Fed repeats call to buy bonds


Police Expected to Close Adam Walsh Case


Blagojevich Impeachment Inquiry Stalls





Oh! Oh!, 20 Years of Colder Weather Coming?


Pacific Decadal Oscillation

World's Most Failed Pres Defies Parliament appoints new PM



DPresident ABDULLAHI YUSUF AHME leader of the number 1 nation on the Foreign Policy list of Failed States Index decides to stir things up.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Bernie Madoff Confesses

Nice work if you can get it, Bernard, I'm sure you can stay with the kids once you're out of prison.

Iraqi Shoe Tree


Call the SPCA I wouldn't treat a dog that way!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Resign? Do I look Like Eliot Spitzer?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Modern Sales Methods


President-elect Barack Obama said today that he "absolutely certain" that no one in his office had any improper dealings with Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, who faces corruption charges.
... LA Times

But would they know?

Khalid Sheik Muhammad


Pleads guilty seeking early execution